Ask Powerful Questions: Create Conversations That Matter by WiLL WiSE

Author:WiLL WiSE [WiSE, WiLL]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2017-10-12T22:00:00+00:00

Once when I asked a CEO to be aware of the things he’s listening for, he listed things like fairness, accusation, dishonesty, hidden messages, manipulation, winning, being right, and blame. He thought these were the “correct” things to listen for. After exploring deeply what might be going on for him when he listens, he added, “I listen for how people defer to me, how they see me as something successful, and whether or not they got excited when I was speaking. I am listening for fans.” He said he wanted to create a team of strong leaders to take his business to the next level. This exercise helped him understand why the leaders he trained always left when they were ready to take the reins themselves. He realized he never created an environment for them to thrive; he had created an environment for them to be his greatest fans. When he left them alone to lead, they left. Now he was in a place where he could name what he was listening for and create an opportunity to listen for more. He was able to listen bigger and deeper and hear more of what his employees needed in order to be great leaders, whether or not he was present.

When you practice deep listening, your mind shifts to the needs of those around you. Your focus is on the person sharing instead of your need to be right. When you’re in this space, you hear what’s really important. No longer is there a need to prove anything. The need is for them to fully express themselves and for you to receive that.

When this type of listening occurs, there is also a shift in the world of the speaker. When we listen as if someone’s life depends on it, something radical can happen. We can listen them into being. We listen them into a new space—a space where they can recreate themselves in the current moment. Like a kid with Lego blocks, they can make choices about what they want to build because they are being listened to.

So, listen as if lives depend on it. In a real sense, they do, in much the same way my life was altered by my encounter with the Amish man on the bus that fateful day. His listening and his ability to connect created an opportunity for me to choose a whole new life, one in which my focus was no longer on me and my victimhood. (“Poor me . . . I did not know my parents . . . I was left . . . abandoned.”) I could now shift my story and shift my past. I had a new self-understanding that was immediately affirmed, that encouraged me to dedicate myself to serving others. He listened to me without any expectations and was not listening for anything in particular. What would shift in your life, if you were able to listen without listening for anything specific?

Deep listening also contributes to building trust and respect.

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